Whitehead strikes agreement with NCAA

In a text message to this media outlet, Tom Whitehead stated that he and the NCAA had reached an agreement for his reinstatement. He will donate the nickel he earned as a professional wiffleball player to charity; namely, a charity aimed at helping struggling, young lads in Whitehead’s hometown.

Whitehead’s donation blessed the lives of two boys. Whitehead watched, via the Internet, as the two boys named Dante’ and Briton received checks for 2 1/2 cents.

“It feels good to give back,” said Whitehead.

Commissioner Norm stated Whitehead was not giving back.

“They took what was his and gave it to someone else,” he said. “That’s not giving back; it’s paying taxes.”

No reaction was recorded yet from Omaha.

“Just wait five minutes and then someone will post this on a Creighton basketball blog, and then all of Omaha will read it,” said Norm.

“Can we just get back to wiffleball?” asked Lee. “Tom’s not that interesting. I mean, it’s Tom.”

Clearing up the L. Tom Whitehead mess

I can’t believe I have to write this, but this isn’t real. We’re just having some fun with our friend, Tom. A wiffleball legend who is very much, though, an amateur and a good guy whom I admire greatly and who will do well at Creighton. You got to like anyone who gets a two-year degree in one year (read: 20 credits per semester) while getting a 3.8 GPA while also kicking some serious butt on the basketball court at the junior college level; I think that alone sums up what kind of player you’re getting at Creighton–sounds to me like the kind of player you can root for. And, really, he is into ceramics; not pot–I doubt he’s even been anywhere where they are smoking pot. And he’s quite talented at ceramics from what he tells me.

Personally, we can’t believe anyone discovered our little blog, which we just set up, to mark yet another wiffleball season, but we intended it to be used just among us friends and not for the greater Omaha area. When Tom called me this afternoon to tell me that people were asking him about our site, I was like, “What the heck is happening?” He and I had a good chuckle about it.

But thanks for swinging by. We’ve got 10 times as many hits today as we did in our entire first day.

 

Whitehead’s amateur status under investigation; Creighton career threatened; Dixie Whitehead devastated; George not surprised: ‘I told him not to be around those darn Finlinsons’

WHITEHEAD MAY HAVE PLAYED WIFFLEBALL PROFESSIONALLY

From the Omaha World-Herald

By Perry Price

Tom Whitehead’s future at Creighton University took a blow Wednesday when the NCAA announced it is looking into whether Whitehead accepted money to play wiffleball professionally.

Whitehead for years played in the world’s elite wiffleball league, the Finlinson League of Baseball.

“He was never a star attraction,” said Commissioner Norm, “but he was steady. You could count on him to show up and not walk out in the middle of the game, which is more than I can say for some of our other players. He was professional in every sense of the word.”

That quote, made last week to the Omaha World-Herald, drew some controversy, especially in light of the current allegations that Whitehead is not an amateur. That prompted an investigation by the Omaha World staff.

In the course of the investigation, a 1994 contract between L. Tom Whitehead and Commissioner Norm was uncovered. The contract, signed by both parties agrees to pay Tom, a nickel for playing out the baseball season.

“Tom was never paid,” said the Commissioner.

Why not?

“He ran headfirst into a wall playing football and forgot that I owed him a nickel,” said the Commissioner.

So was Tom ever paid?

“Yes, I gave him a Schrute Buck on Facebook just today for the time he played at Finlinson Field,” the Commissioner said.

Why now?

“Because I wanted to ruin his amateur status,” the Commissioner said.

To bring Tom back to Finny Field?

“No, just out of spite.”

It appears the accepting of a Schrute buck is an NCAA violation. NCAA President Myles Brand left Ohio State University, passing 10 Buckeye football players driving brand new BMWs on his way to the airport.

“I am freakin’ ticked; this is blatant cheating,” screamed Brand about Whitehead’s acceptance of a Schrute buck.

Whitehead said he had no control over whether to take the Schrute buck.

“It kind of just got assigned to me,” he said. “It has no cash value.”

Visible steam billowed from Brand’s ears.

“I hope Whitehead burns in hell,” bellowed Brand, as a Nebraska football player carrying a suitcase full of cash walked by him. “I must protect the integrity of the NCAA student-athlete.”

With that, Brand whirled, handed his bags to a former All-America basketball player at North Carolina who now has no chance of a real career because he never went to class in college, and left.

“Them Tar Heels sure is dumb,” said Dale.

Breaking News: Lee Finlinson optioned to Double-AA Bloomington Hills

In a stunning announcement today, the Finlinson League of Baseball announced today that Lee Finlinson had been sent down to a minor league FLB affiliate, effective today.

“Lee is a leadoff hitter; his job is to get on base, but he insists on swinging for the fences,” said assistant deputy commissioner/chief scout Thomas “The Hungarian” Kun. “Our on-the-field product has suffered as a result. I’m very disappointed in Lee. He has not been a team player.”

Lee was stunned by the news and said he may not accept the assignment, opting to retire instead
although no announcement had been made as of press time. Lee was sent to play for the Bloomington Hills Bombers.

“If they want me to be a singles hitter, why send me to a team called the Bombers,” Lee said. “You know I gotta be jacking homeruns. It’s my thang.”

Wayne suggested Lee try the kiwi-strawberry if he wants to be a home run hitter.

“It worked for Baldwin; it will work for Lee,” said Wayne.

The charges against Baldwin are pending. A spokesman for the Finlinson League of Baseball said they adamantly condemn the use of kiwi-strawberry Shasta.

“It is the black eye of the sport of wiffleball,” said Commissioner Norm. “I am disgusted that Wayne would suggest it; on the other hand, though, Lee does need some pop in his bat.”

Then the commissioner added, “Make that soda pop in his bat.”

And then commissioner laughed hysterically for about five minutes over his pun.

It was awkward.

And then really awkward.

And then creepy.

And then this reporter claimed that he had to go to the bathroom to get away from all the laughing.

Then this reporter snuck out the window in the bathroom and broke his arm because the bathroom was on the third floor.

But it was worth it to get away from Norm.

And his laugh.

Is Dale a role model?

This site asked that question to several people who know Dale Finlinson best; here is their reply:

Is it OK if I dance while I answer that question? … Well, I am not answering it if I can’t dance … wait, wait, I’ll answer it … Don’t go, don’t go, don”t … (door slams) … go … (The Hungarian whispers something to Amber) to the bathroom outside. Yeah, that’s what I was going to say.

Amber Finlinson

But I’m a Jetette

Crystal

I like to watch dancing

Tammy

For $10,000, he better be a role model.

Kent Finlinson

Everything I am I owe to Dale Finlinson.

Andrew Spainhower

Me too

Cody Ferdinando

I was going to say yes, but then I heard those last two quotes. If Dale’s the role model for those two, it doesn’t matter if he spends two years, five years, six year or 18 years serving the Lord, he will have done more harm than good in this world

Wes Finlinson, Hall of Famer

Ferd and Spain are not ideals; their avoideals. That’s a word.

Nicole Finlinson, wife of a Hall of Famer

I’m back, Dale. Why aren’t you?

Camden Van Gilder

Who’s Dale?

Kalani Kreitzer

You’ve got to give Dale his props. He’s out doing the right thing. You gotta support that. And I do. But does that mean I wholeheartedly embrace the Dale J. Finlinson philosophy? No, no, it doesn’t. Because at the end of the day, when it comes right down to it, I gotta be me.

John Finlinson

Yes, he went on a mission, and he is tall.

Carol Vincent, neighbor

I still have nightmares of the night he jumped out of the bushes and came charging at me. Worst life moment ever.

Norm

Yeah, he’s an example; an example of someone I beat everytime we played Dixie in high school. Warrior Nation!

Mitch Frei

Letter to the editor: Dale demands ink!

man who is this baldwin charecter and this sean charecter!!!! these yhoung rookeies are gettting way to much recognitioned! the media today is ridiculous… lets see we have ferd… he is getting all this media time becaue he is in and out of jail… and then baldwin he is getting all this medeia time because he is over doesing on green substinces and then thomas he gets media time for his mespuite insident with bryson… then you have a proven player such as dale j fin who is out serving the lord for 2 years and the media doesnt even care… what the world coming to these days! if anyone is the hero to be written about it should be me!!!! kids these days need a role model to look up to like me….and its not only me… take brian and mitch for example… how much did the media talk about themm this past week?…. none…!!!! there out seving the lord! but the media dont care…. they would rather talk about players who decided not to serve like bryson!!!!

Ed’s note: First of all, Bryson is not even allowed to step on Finny Field. There will be more on that later, but basically a joint ruling by the commissioner’s office, the Finlinson Family Court and the Fifth Circuit are going to see to that. Second of all, while I am sure most people see Dale and say you mean he’s on a mission and not in jail as a role model; I am not one of them. I remember Dale as a trash-talking punk who lost the World Series because he was juicing as a good addict of Kiwi Strawberry Shasta friend. But to hold him up as a role model is as dumb as asking Amber to dance in front of the television is not the purpose of this blog; rather, it is promote the ramblings of an old, angry, egomaniacal man who likes to sit in center field and make fun of people because he has nothing else to do in his soulless life; and, oh yeah, he also appointed himself commissioner because that’s the only way he could get his friends to listen to him and foist his asinine opinions upon an unsuspecting public, much like The Riddler Finlinson League of Baseball.

To answer your question Amber a despot is tyrant

To answer your next question Amber a tyrant is a dictator

To answer your third question Amber a dictator is someone who makes other people do only what he wants them to do.

No, not quite like John.

Well, okay maybe a little bit like John.

Ok, Ok, maybe a lot like John.

I wouldn’t necessarily label Paula as a tyrant. It’s more that Lee is easy-going.

Amber, this post wasn’t an invitation for you to start dancing.

Move it Amber I can’t see the TV.

Damn Amber the Jazz are playing

I can’t see the game so I am asking you to move.

I don’t want to see you dance.

Yes, yes, I find it kind of annoying.

Most people don’t like watching dancers.

How about every rational person I know doesn’t like watching dancers.

Tammy isn’t rational; she’s 10.

I don’t care if she is 13, 14 or 15. The last time I talked to her she was 10.

I don’t know why I don’t talk to Tammy more, but it’s not like she’s sending me postcards.

Look, I don’t want to talk about Tammy. And I don’t want to see you dance. That’s all I’m saying.

No you can’t dance during the timeouts

Sit down

Sit the freak down

I said SIT DOWN

Did you hear that sound? It was the vein in my neck pop

I am dying of massive internal hemorrhaging. Thanks a lot, Amber.

No you can’t dance at my funeral you freak

Please, please, please, I am begging you don’t dance over my corpse.

Can it take me any longer to die?

… But you said you wanted your name on this blog!

Exclusive! Dale pressures the Commish to honor him

This Web site has found exclusive evidence that the commissioner initiated Dale Finlinson Day while under pressure from The Dizzy Devil himself.

FLB on WordPress obtained this exclusive e-mail from Dale to Commissioner Norm:

its like the league forgot abuot me...
dont everybody realize the im the most influntial player
if finlinson sports history!!!! i mean come on....
i blew the world serious by
over dozing on kiwi strawberry!!!!!
''get real ''sledge.... give me some love...

Amid the egregious spelling errors, you see that Dale asserts himself as the most influential player in the history of the sport.

“He’s not in the Hall of Fame,” said Wes. “And over dozing? What did he sleep through the Series?”

“According to his stats, yes,” said Brandon, who added, “In fact, it looks like he slept through seven FLB seasons. And if you ever saw him play, you’d have to agree with that.”

Dale also asserts that claim by pointing to his kiwi-strawberry Shasta intake that caused Lee and Dale to forfeit the 1998 World Series.

“I have never forgiven him,” said Lee. “No way I’m honoring him. I carried that ’98 Series team on my back. I won the championship, but I had to forfeit it because some peripheral player drank too much of the illegal elixir.”

Lee said he will keep his shirt on during Saturday’s game.

“Thank goodness!” said Paula Brooks.

Carmelo Anthony, who plans on attending Saturday’s game should the Nuggets not make the playoffs, expressed this opinion, “‘Melo say ‘mellow’.”