DOCKSTADER BLAMED
The FLB players strike is now entering its sixth week, and union president Breck Dockstader is being universally blamed for the strike lasting as long as it has even by some of his own players.
“We should be playing wiffle right now,” said local hero Lee Finlinson. “But, instead, The ‘Stader (Dockstader) is insisting on things we don’t care about.”
The primary hangup right now is testing for performance enhancers and the pension for Dante’ Caldwell.
“Dante’ isn’t even retired, and he’s never registered as a professional wiffleballer,” said Commissioner Norm. “How can an amateur draw a pension? It makes no sense.”
The strike originally commenced over a dispute with how much of the gate should go to players.
“In the past, 14 percent of the gate went to the players,” Norm said. “They wanted 30, and I gave them 28. The ‘Stader didn’t like that. He insisted on 28.2 percent and then released a statement talking about what a brilliant negotiator he is.”
John is frustrated.
“This is The ‘Stader’s great moment,” John said. “Breck never caught on in the majors. And this is his chance to be noticed, so he’s holding up the process unduly. So no we are unruly.”
“I hate it when John tries to rhyme,” said Paula Brooks. “I’d ask for that to be part of the strike revision–no rhyming and no third person quotes. That is the idea of me, Paula Brooks Finli–oops! I’m not supposed to tell anyone that Lee and I eloped.”
“I thought she said, ‘Let’s go to Vegas and get cantaloupe,” Lee explained.
“Why would you go to Vegas to get cantaloupe?” Andrew Spainhower asked.
“I was just happy we were going to Vegas,” said Lee.
“Then why did you go through with it?”
“For the free steak dinner.”
“Now, that is what we should be insisting on. Screw Dante’s pension! I want a steak dinner,” Spainhower concluded.
Lee was most happy about going to vegas because Mighty J was driving!